Considering you can be anything you want on the internet,
it’s amazing how many choose to be stupid.
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Cop: Is there a reason why you’re going so fast?
My 8 year old from the back seat: She said the flux capacitor won’t work unless you go 88mph!
They say people with pets live longer. Many assume it’s all the love and affection. I think it’s all the bending down to pick stuff up.
Me: eats spicy Szechuan for lunch
My guts the next day: look, we’ve had this discussion before
Me: Find a penny, pick it up and all day long you’ll have good luck!
Penny: Please put me down
If you cannot hold a poker face don’t bother becoming a parent because if you can’t sell, and I mean truly sell it when you tell your 4 year old that there are no actual tomatoes in tomato sauce, she will never agree to eat pizza again
This video changed my life . I need to know their backstory. I need to know every person in this group.
Parents who say they love their children unconditionally have obviously never had a kid choose tuba as their band instrument.
I keep my enemies closer because you can only throw a rock so far.
A baby bear catches snowflakes.
5 year old: Mommy, did you get that kind of turkey I like at the store?
Me: Ham? Yes