@jojipaints
@twt_malaysia ‘You’ll go to hell for that joke’
*in Hell
Me: What did you do?
Hitler: Genocide, what did you do?
Me: Dunno tweeted a joke
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@twt_malaysia 
@TG22110 
@pakalupapitow i need a six-month vacation twice a year
@timfrom2005 2 friends and I once pulled the 3 kids in a trenchcoat trick & killed a man got tried as an adult but when they hung mike, paul & I fell out
@desusnice i love that kanye gets into very specific beefs with ppl i have to google but he’s nice enough to say both their first & last name
@mynameisntdave ME: [riding a horse on a carousel] weeeeee!
AIRLINE SECURITY: [into radio] god dammit, he’s back and he brought a horse with him this time
@Tommytoughstuff “Come on man! I’m sure your superpower is cool! Show me!
“Ok” *stares at two glasses of soda* the diet is on the right.”
“Wow um..neat…”
@jonnysun *sees a fly*
ahhh
*trying to swat fly*
nooo
*gives up*
well if ur gona stay at least pay rent lol
FLY: *hands me a tiny check*
ME: wat the
@TheSharona06 For people who say “nothing is impossible”, that’s crazy. I’ve been successfully doing nothing for several years now.
@_SingleBabyMama If you’re feeling a little too good about yourself let your child take a pic of you laying on the couch. Tada! You are now Jaba the Hut.