Judge: on what grounds?
Prosecutor: he’s good
Judge: *slams gavel* case dismissed.

You Might Also Like


Welcome to my home. There are 43 night lights just in case you’d like to wander the house at 3am.


First they came for the mime artists, and I said something, because I didn’t want them to think I was also a mime artist.


My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


Me at work: I miss my little angels-my favorite little ppl on this planet

Me after an hour of being home: these kids are the spawn of satan


If you walk up to me with a plate of food and say “Matt?”

My name will always be Matt.


I’m dressing for the weather I desperately want, not the weather I currently have.


CUSTOMER: i’m here for the $10 car wash?

CAR WASH GUY: *scrubbing car with a soapy ten-dollar bill* that’ll be $44.99


<enter password>
<password must contain a number>
*7 hours later*


Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster.