Coworker: What a crazy weekend!

Me: *takes a knee*

CW: What are you doing?

M: Protesting this conversation.

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For those who don’t know the difference, GRAPHIC NOVELS are COMPLETE stories, where as COMICS are people I try not to date any more.


Just saw an eagle swoop down and pick up a baby bunny, so cute when animals are friends!


Don’t get upset if you hit a lot of red lights on your way to work. You’d turn red too if you had to change in the middle of the street.


Research suggests that when someone disagrees with you, you should speak faster so they have less time to process what you’re saying.


Cashier: Did you find everything you needed?

Me: Oh what I need you can’t find in stores, if you know what I mean.


Me: Yes I’m good, thanks.


my sister: why do you delete so many tweets?

me: sometimes you don’t know something’s really stupid until you send it out into the world

my mother: *staring at me just a second too long*


There is a button on my microwave that says “super clown” and I do not ever push that button