If the headline just read “Kanye West Acts Like a Shithead,” news sites could reuse it over and over again.
God- I want an animal with 2 humps
Angel- And a cute face?
G- Yes.. And make them spit at humans
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NAZI: I’m a Nazi
MEDIA: How controversial
NAZI: I said I was a Nazi
MEDIA: Your clothes are beautifully tailored
I’m wearing a tuxedo to work today in protest of casual Friday.
“I bought a new car!”
Whoa that’s a lemon, how much did you pay?
Dude it’s literally a piece of fruit
My wife accused me of spending too much time on twitter. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?
Every time I raise my arm a little, a falcon lands on it. It was super-cool at first, but now I’m starting to get annoyed.
My thoughts are as pure as snow… after the trucks have driven hard and plowed through it.
[talking with counselor]
I don’t “know” what “she” means that I “use” excessive air quotes
a female postal worker named Dee Liver somebody write that down
For my 40th birthday present, my husband replaced a pan that he broke and that’s how I know he’ll never be able to leave me for another woman