Q. Why are ghostbusters afraid of bridges over small rivers?
A. Because they’re not supposed to cross the streams
•detective flips open pocket watch•
Hmmm…precisely what I thought
“What’s that sir”
It’s lunch time
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*throws arm across passenger seat to protect pizza*
When brands use cool words like “bae” on social media, I drive straight to their nearest location with all my money, ready to buy products.
Not to split hairs, but I called you “haughty,” not “hottie.”
Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you’re dating an onion and not a man.
a cauliflower is a plant explosion in extremeley slow motion
If you come home n your dog gives you a lecture about smoking pot, you probably should lay off the acid too.
Just think, in 10 years you’re going to wish you look as good as you do right now. Assuming you’re still alive.
If a server comes to my table and asks ‘hows everythin tasting?’ mid chew I like to grab their wrist and keep them there until I can answer
Smile for the camera. Laugh for the pencil sharpener. Dance for the refrigerator