It has come to my attention that some of you are eating the bottom half of cupcakes. That is the peel, people. Know your fruit.
Cupcakes are for people who don’t have the dedication and stamina to eat a whole cake!
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Most adults have thirty-two teeth but you can have as many as you like if your pockets are big enough
Before college I didn’t have a degree, or money, or any idea what I was doing with my life. But NOW I have a degree.
Give a man a fish… and well, shit gets weird.
A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly.
[I scramble to take off my full-body fly costume]
I’ll have a salad but on top of a burger with cheese
“So you want a cheeseburger?”
Yes but when you bring it to me say here’s your salad
Job interviews be like what’s your biggest weakness, ummm I don’t have a job bro
“Someone stinks of 11 herbs and spices”
Embarrassed chicken closes her legs
[starts to leave the theater when the title appears on-screen]
date: no, Get Out is the name of the movie
we lost our power
a transformer blew up by our house
*eyes widen* “that’s awes-”
it’s not as cool as it sounds