@DadSetAgainst

“Daddy, how do you get the snow off” my helpless six year old shouts as she’s outside in a snowsuit playing…in the snow…and it’s snowing

You Might Also Like

@notalogin

I think I speak for all of us when I say I’m being presumptuous.

@thagr8short1

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ‘No, six should be enough.’

@Gupton68

I used the words skulduggery and malfeasance in a tweet today and it made me feel inordinately happy.

It was in this tweet, but that still counts right?

@Ygrene

[squirrel meeting]

Chief Squirrel: everyone, I suspect someone among us is an infiltrator

Owl: hoo

Chief Squirrel: (solemnly) that’s what we’re trying to find out Owen

@James_Caan

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. End of tweet

@daemonic3

The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.

@TheToddWilliams

This forest scent air freshener is really working. Three elk have moved into my living room.

@AwaaraHoon

When the intruder towards Virat Kohli at Eden Gardens – VK couldn’t control his laugh seeing policeman’s reaction 😂

@Johngcole

Scientist: The eclipse will be just like this…
People: Wow, you were right.
Scientist: Now about climate change
People: Shut up egghead