Someone tweets “pizza,” I want pizza.
Someone tweets “donut,” I want a donut.
Someone tweets “kale,” I want pizza and a donut.
DATE TIP: Hold doors. Pull the chair out for your date. Burp your date. Change your date oh god you are on a date with a baby ok stay cool
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we lost our power
a transformer blew up by our house
*eyes widen* “that’s awes-”
it’s not as cool as it sounds
I can’t stop thinking about what my sister took away from Endgame
FRIEND: Where were you?
ME: I got sick and had to rush to the doctor
ME: Nah, just drove really fast
*family meeting at Noah’s house* who wants us to do what by when?
Finally cleaned out the fridge to make meal planning easier. Tonight, we’re having buttered olives with mustard and baking soda.
That awkward moment when you text a pretty girl, “my shirt smells like you” & you misspell shirt
Just lean back in your chair and say “caloric”. It’s exhilerating.
Him: I don’t trust myself around you
Her(flirtatiously): Oh, stop
Him: I bought an iPad on your credit card when you went to bathroom