Dating Tips

Please. I am 36 and live with 2 guinea pigs.

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George Clooney and Brad Pitt fall in love and rob casinos together.



Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, though, it’s every man for himself


My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.


In a coffee shop ask the person next to you to watch your laptop, but don’t leave. Put on netflix and binge spongebob with your new pal.


I successfully hid chocolate chip cookies from my children, making today’s parenting score:

Kids: 43,290
Mom: 1


Burning bridges was a lot easier when 7 out of 10 people had lighters in their pockets.


Don’t forget to hug your friends. They might be hiding a burrito from you, so get a good feel


Tell your wife her butt looks big in those jeans.

Live a little.


Took my twins to their swim class and the coach showed them how to float on their backs then asked if they had any questions. My boy twin asked if there was any cake and I think it was a fair question


we’re a divided nation, conflicting on class, ideology, creed, and yet there is one thing we can come all together on, no matter what: younger brothers play Luigi