Dear 16, Just between you and me, you CAN actually use too much Axe body spray. Love, Exasperated Mom

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If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never ageing is wearing the same clothes every day.



-me after every wine at the wine-tasting


[Showing Tom Cruise a video of me putting on a sock while standing] I do my own stunts too.


A 12 year old posts a selfie, 37 RTs and 1013 likes.
I post a selfie, I lose 18 followers and my family disowns me.


Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I’m 73.


Student begins reading poem, teacher interrupts “No this is Creative WRITHING class” Other student squirms around on floor “Very good Todd”


Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ve got 5 more rounds in the chamber. You’ll get that moon eventually. He’ll pay for what he did.


Is your wife buying too many shoes? Cut her feet off. There, done.


Him: Productive conference call?

Me: Hell yeah. I painted my toes, posted 6 pictures on IG, and got in one solid nap.


Can we still see the Grand Canyon from the air or has the government put a giant tarp over it?