Desks that can easily support a few hundred lbs must have some naughty stories to tell the other desks at break time.

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medic: sir do you need oxygen
me: no dying is fine


Nobody runs faster than a 4 year old holding your iPhone.


student loan “forgiveness?” so you admit. student loans are a sin.


I eat the first half of a burrito to get full, I eat the second half to teach myself a lesson


Hot chick without makeup: her beauty is so effortless & carefree

Me without makeup: why is that very sick grandma not in a home


Covid has fully convinced me that we would still be working during a zombie apocalypse


I almost ran somebody over yesterday, I guess I’ll have to try harder next time