@junejuly12

Desks that can easily support a few hundred lbs must have some naughty stories to tell the other desks at break time.

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@trashcanbee

[ambulance]
medic: sir do you need oxygen
me: no dying is fine

@Tbone7219

Nobody runs faster than a 4 year old holding your iPhone.

@molly7anne

student loan “forgiveness?” so you admit. student loans are a sin.

@bridger_w

I eat the first half of a burrito to get full, I eat the second half to teach myself a lesson

@lisaxy424

Hot chick without makeup: her beauty is so effortless & carefree

Me without makeup: why is that very sick grandma not in a home

@SandyFrizzle

Covid has fully convinced me that we would still be working during a zombie apocalypse

@Faungirl123

I almost ran somebody over yesterday, I guess I’ll have to try harder next time