Do people who bring bikes on the subway know about riding bikes?
You Might Also Like
People need to wake up and accept that Batman regularly commits tax fraud
[out in public]
Me: A kid is crying.
Wife: It’s not one of ours.
[we fist bump]
Every time I see a white work van, I beat the driver unconscious, and check in the back. Sooner or later I’ll be a hero.
Once I get the creative juices flowing, I realize how disgusting that really sounds.
Directions: Allow food to sit and cool for five minutes before eating.
Me: No.
I found a lost dog whose tag said 905-555-4598. Who would name a dog that?
me: will I ever have sex again?
doctor: not with that haircut
My favorite new hobby is putting on an orange apron and giving people horrible and incorrect construction advice at Home Depot
“someone broke into your room… and peed on you while you were asleep”
me: that’s right, officer