@orange_rhymer

Doc: have you been displaying any symptoms of vampirism?
Me: I’ve been..
Doc: …
Me: …
Doc: …
Me: …
Doc: …
Me: Coffin.
Doc: get out

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Someone needs to invent an alarm clock that, if you hit snooze more than three times, will call in sick for you.

@TheWoodenslurpy

Marry a man who surrounds himself with good weather and can provide good weather for you and your children.

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The KANYE went down to the very KANYE street to buy a new KANYE for only $KANYE dollars. “KANYE?” he asked.
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