You know whats scarier than a bee chasing you because i dont
Dodgeball in gym class…
because life wasn’t already hard enough when I was 12.
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If you ever really want someone to call back, leave them a message saying, “I’ve got tickets to…” and hang up
God never gives you more than you can handle. But I’m not God. I’m just a bag boy. And you’ll wanna take these groceries out in the cart.
Judge: What did you say?
Me: Judge? Did you just reverse my sentence?
*Stage dives into cheering jury*
When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it’s like what am i, your maid
*throws caution to the wind*
*blows right back into face*
*draws a line in the sand*
*looks at the line in the sand*
*decides that it might be time to vacuum*
me, on the phone: haha hail satan what’s up
god: still me you didn’t click over
If I could teach my kid anything it would be do not attempt to lay on my face. Give me my personal space please, tiny leech.
They used to wear them halfway down their asses, and now they wear the one’s meant for girls…
Will boys ever get pants right!?