@BadNewsRapDudes

Does the acting in porn have to be THAT bad? I’m not looking for any Meryl Streep performances, but c’mon.

You Might Also Like

@seancehat

[first day as a pilot]

me: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for

co-pilot: they keep your shirt closed

@aimeevc1970

When a grammar Nazi gets sad give them a hug and say “There, their, they’re.”

@Playing_Dad

Saying someone is doing something “like a boss” to me is an insult because my boss does things half assed & incorrectly then blames others

@osigat

My boss just choked on a breath mint. It was a tough decision to do the Heimlich maneuver because he really needed that mint.

@Token_Geezer

When I’m in a room full of toddlers, I can’t help but scan it for potential serial killers

@mastrap84

My wife: am I beautiful?

Me [hella smooth]: yeah, you look like a little cat

@GreenishDuck

Fun Fact: 100% of people don’t know what to do with a dirty dish at someone else’s house.

@daemonic3

Rather than vote, let’s all fill out the 29 dimensions of what we want in a president and let eHarmony decide.

@wildethingy

Age is just a number in the same way that a killer whale is just a fish.