
Black Friday through the years:
2005: 5am
2010: 3am
2012: 12am
2013: Thursday 8pm
2014: Thursday
2020: 4th of July
Does the acting in porn have to be THAT bad? I’m not looking for any Meryl Streep performances, but c’mon.
Black Friday through the years:
2005: 5am
2010: 3am
2012: 12am
2013: Thursday 8pm
2014: Thursday
2020: 4th of July
[bankruptcy court]
JUDGE: *rubbing bridge of nose* Says here you bought 1000 bouncy castles?
ME: *lips on mic* For my kingdom, Your Honor
whenever i trip a skinny girl running in only a sports bra i feel like i’m doing god’s work
How do chocolate labs not die of themselves?
Happy Dhanteras. If you buy gold today, you’ll become rich tomorrow. Except for gold merchants. Who sell gold & become rich today only.
Catfishing my ex… So you could say we’re back together.
Why are there no owls here? I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE THERE WOULD BE OWLS HERE!
#hooters
Being illiterate and having a girlfriend would be easy. They’d be like “did you get my text?” and you could just be like “I can’t read.”
Meditation is fun when you want to do nothing for an hour but still feel a sense of accomplishment.
I’d choose @funTweeters over anti-depressants any day.