@BadNewsRapDudes

Does the acting in porn have to be THAT bad? I’m not looking for any Meryl Streep performances, but c’mon.

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@YesThatAmy

What did I do before Twitter? Well, there’s my family and……OH MY GOD WHERE’S MY FAMILY?!?!

@Aunchkin

“I was bored” -Me explaining most of the things I do.

@1Happytwit

My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.

@WilliamAder

I’m forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

@MaryKoCo

“How crazy is your ex? Crazy like my triceps?” “How sick is your mother? Sick like my triceps?”

@ManateeJack

If you see my wife at the store, tell her to put some of that stuff back.

@Elifcello

Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made a better something out of myself.

@Kate_Goldsmith

I thought I typed “twitter” in my URL, but I got Hot Russian Ladies somehow instead. So, I guess I have a wife in the mail….