@bestvibess Black Friday through the years:
2005: 5am
2010: 3am
2012: 12am
2013: Thursday 8pm
2014: Thursday
2020: 4th of July
@BadNewsRapDudes Does the acting in porn have to be THAT bad? I’m not looking for any Meryl Streep performances, but c’mon.
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@bestvibess [bankruptcy court]
JUDGE: *rubbing bridge of nose* Says here you bought 1000 bouncy castles?
ME: *lips on mic* For my kingdom, Your Honor
@sbellelauren whenever i trip a skinny girl running in only a sports bra i feel like i’m doing god’s work
@SamGrittner How do chocolate labs not die of themselves?
@rameshsrivats Happy Dhanteras. If you buy gold today, you’ll become rich tomorrow. Except for gold merchants. Who sell gold & become rich today only.
@bamb00zld Catfishing my ex… So you could say we’re back together.
@Wames_Jaters Why are there no owls here? I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE THERE WOULD BE OWLS HERE!
#hooters
@mikeyspiritDC Being illiterate and having a girlfriend would be easy. They’d be like “did you get my text?” and you could just be like “I can’t read.”
@mattgallo123 Meditation is fun when you want to do nothing for an hour but still feel a sense of accomplishment.
@nekolot I’d choose @funTweeters over anti-depressants any day.