“Rogue One” idea:
The spies anxiously wait to meet their new commander.
Boldly – regally – he strides into the room.
“Mesa Jar-Jar Binks”
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
You Might Also Like
Interviewer: your resume says you were a waiter
Me: yes that’s right
Interviewer: where at
Me: out in the lobby right before this interview
Him: Can I have your number?
Me: *looks up from texting
I don’t have a phone.
If I tell you I’m running 10 minutes behind, that means 10 minutes later than normal. So, 20 minutes-ish.
My dog always pees against trees when we walk through the neighborhood
I do it one time and now I need bail
Having sex while really full is like running with a backpack on.
That burrito didn’t agree with me.
And then I was like “Why am I arguing with a burrito?!”
Polyamorous: in a relationship with more than one partner
Monopoly-amorous: plays board games with more than one group of friends
I sleep better naked, why cant the flight attendant understand that?
Every time I see a sign that says “Right lane ends,” I’m like, so does everything else, deal with it