@PaulyPeligroso

Don’t be that guy that tells people not to be “that guy.”

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@WetzelGeek

What if Cookie Monster was censored and this whole time he has been talking about boobies instead of cookies?

@NoorShamma

You’re not a mistake.
Mistakes can be fixed.

You’re hopeless.

@perlapell

My midwife just sat me down and gently broke the news that I am simply plump and she has no reason to be here.

@marcusthetoken

I am really shocked that there is not a website devoted solely to the most clever Wi-Fi names of all-time.

@AnthroBalkans

Remember back in season one of Covid, when we thought maybe we’d be in this for just five seasons like Breaking Bad, and now it’s like, surprise y’all, this is Grey’s Anatomy.

@atthecubicle

Just tested the structural integrity of a door frame with my face. It’s pretty solid.

@MadHatterMommy

Hell hath no fury like a kid watching his friend sporting the same toy he broke a while ago

@mom_tho

5: mom i learned the months of the year!

me: oh yeah? what are they?

5: january…february…tuesday?

me: *tears up application to harvard