@UncleDuke1969

don’t do it sharon, it’s a trap

You Might Also Like

@joeljeffrey

Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you dont know the man & he doesnt know youre eating his popcorn

@staceyseniarose

Accidentally sent a guy a 😉 instead of a :), now one of us is probably pregnant.

@ddsmidt

X-rays are dangerous, they were probably less harmful when they were just rays, but after the breakup…

@007Pepe_Rex

Role playing didnt go so well last night. She was the hot sexy teacher and I the rebel student..so I ditched class. Cause schools for nerds.

@envydatropic

75% of parenting is taking their keys to punish them

And giving them back because they’re driving you crazy

@BuckyIsotope

Did you know that if everyone in the U.S. donated just one pint of blood, we could pour it over the Statue of Liberty and be hella cool?

@gigglegirlnoel

Trying to figure out if you practice the violin for many hours every day, or if you just have a really bad hickey.

@dafloydsta

WIFE: I’m tired of you living in a fantasy world
ME: *imagining she’s Kate Upton* You always say that, Kate
WIFE: Who is Kate? WHO IS KATE?

@withanewname

After a failed college project to fight hunger, Clark decided to focus on fighting crime and thereby dropping a p from Supperman.

@evilnshit

I just went to church and had communion. Ok it was a gas station and I had 2 donuts but I did say a prayer before scratching my lotto ticket