@Peauxtassium

Don’t talk to me until after I’ve had my breakfast beer

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@fro_vo

Waiter: how were your steak and eggs
Me: just okay
Waiter: oh no
Me: you could say they were
Waiter: please no
Me: *sips mimosa* meaty yoker

@graceupongracie

I’m at my most athletic when I’m running up stadium stairs to buy another beer.

@RickAaron

Inflation is out of control. Bought a picture today for 1400 words.

@Traceylei2

What doesn’t kill you isn’t earning the money I paid.

@

Just saw a fully functional phone booth with an intact yellow pages; so, yeah, I know a thing or two about time travel.

@Its_Miss_Riss

Just saw a fully functional phone booth with an intact yellow pages; so, yeah, I know a thing or two about time travel.

@Qwertyings

I love how people slow down and come to a complete stop to read the dammed traffic signs.

It says: STOP

You don’t need to study the dammed thing.

@IQuitWriting

If pizza places cold called people’s homes and asked if they wanted to order a pizza, I guarantee you their business would triple.

@FunInternetGuy

*wins oscar
I’d like to thank my legs,for always supporting me;my arms,who are always by my side& also my fingers,I can always count on them