Dorothy: Follow the Yellow Brick Road.

Yellow Brick Road: I have a boyfriend.

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*pauses show* Kids, back in my day we couldn’t watch episode after episode. We would have to wait each week on a specific day and time for a new episode and if we missed it … ARE YOU GUYS WATCHING THE SHOW ON YOUR PHONES?!


I understand why there were reindeer named Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, but how did Vixen earn her name. What is Santa hiding


We’re not staying up to see in the New Year, we’re staying up to make absolutely certain that the old year is dead. Bring weapons.


I’m still in disbelief that 9/11 coincidentally happened on September 11 (9/11)


I wish I had the self-confidence of people on Twitter who threaten to unfollow others unless their demands are met.


Bad day? Listen to 90s rap. Problem solved. Unmotivated? Listen to 90s rap. Problem solved. Don’t like rap? Listen to 90s rap Problem solved


TV shows project an unrealistic image, like catching a criminal in an hour or that people don’t spend most of the day in pyjamas drinking wine.


Sailors who are unable to stop a ship properly are sent to 2 weeks of court-ordered anchor management.


[planning heist]

LEADER: we can kill the alarm, but how do we get through the concrete wall?

*everyone turns to look at the kool-aid man*


Pro tip: If he pretends he can’t hear you, talk some shit about his mother.