@torrami

Dragons aren’t evil; they’re just upset that they can’t enjoy Popsicles and other frozen treats.

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@bees_wingz

No, no, I didn’t need to talk to a customer service representative, thanks. I just wanted to hear some terrible music.

@shadygrenade

*ransom note on gun*

[1 million dollars by Friday or I shoot your daughter. No exceptions]

[ps please mail gun back it’s my only one]

@saroanco

My husband is weird and enjoys drinking things out of jars and last night he 100% looked me straight in the face and said “we should open up our own coffee shop where we serve the coffee out of jars and call it Jarbucks”

@stuzario

Court her the old fashioned way by doing late night burnouts in front of her house

@1evilidiot

I’m in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend’s in the future.

@theNuzzy

Do I hate when people answer their own questions? Yes.

@chapel3929

Is this cat saying Meow or Mao? Cause I’m not keepin some commie cat

@Average_Dad1

It is kid law that they will start liking some food and then become more and more obsessed with it until you finally buy it in bulk at Costco at which exact point they will find said food disgusting and want nothing to do with it