I have no idea what Steampunk is except that it must be healthier than Fried Punk.
*driving my date to the ER*
I told you my possum doesn’t like direct eye contact. This one is on you.
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Executioner: Before we do this, what would you like for your last meal?
“I’ll have a panda please”
[judge, under his breath] Can he do that?
*watching a cop walk past during drug deal*
ok relax, just be cool.. “bonjour mademoiselle how much of le methamphetamine dost thou fancy”
To make a mistake is human. To admit a mistake is stupid.
FRIEND: Where were you?
ME: I got sick and had to rush to the doctor
ME: Nah, just drove really fast
“We run a tight ship” barked the captain, his shoulders barely getting thru the doorway “Real tight.”
he turns sideways to fit down the hall
[business meeting at restaurant]
“There’s more than one way to skin a cat”
[Family of cats at next table]
*mom cat puts paw on cat dad’s arm
I need to get my HR lady, mom and girlfriend together so they can more efficiently scrutinize my every move and thought.
[ouija board] hi grandma, i hope your in heaven and i love you
Keep your friends close and your flamethrower closer.