Drop a ring pop in front of him. If he picks it up and hands it back to you… Congratulations! You’re engaged.

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“You know how when birds fly in a V formation one side is always longer?”
“Yeah. Why is that?”
“There are more birds on that side.”


A boy at church was asked if he knew what the resurrection was. “Yes, and if it lasts more than 4 hours you’re supposed to see a doctor.”


why does saying their name 3x work for Bloody Mary and not for Brad Pitt?


It is said the population of sheep in New Zealand is 60 Million.

How did they stay awake to figure THAT one out?


My favorite thing about single people is how they champion being single till they like someone then they transform into a hypocritcalpotamus


How Jesus was named:
Mary: Joseph, I’m having a baby.


Made the decision that I’m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.


The only reason I watch political speeches is cause I’m hoping there’s gonna be a sniper.


Your an idiot.
-You’re not your.
But I said it. I didn’t type it. We’re talking.
-Yeah but I heard the typo.
You’re an idiot.


can’t stop thinking about people that first ate mushrooms they found and just had to go through trial and error of like, this one tastes like beef, this one killed Brian immediately and this one makes you see God for a week