@Jenny4ashley

Drop a ring pop in front of him. If he picks it up and hands it back to you… Congratulations! You’re engaged.

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@Shariv67

“You know how when birds fly in a V formation one side is always longer?”
“Yeah. Why is that?”
“There are more birds on that side.”

@DionneMcNutt

A boy at church was asked if he knew what the resurrection was. “Yes, and if it lasts more than 4 hours you’re supposed to see a doctor.”

@suecorvette

why does saying their name 3x work for Bloody Mary and not for Brad Pitt?

@daemonic3

It is said the population of sheep in New Zealand is 60 Million.

How did they stay awake to figure THAT one out?

@torrami

My favorite thing about single people is how they champion being single till they like someone then they transform into a hypocritcalpotamus

@WilliamAder

How Jesus was named:
Mary: Joseph, I’m having a baby.
Joseph: JESUS CHRIST!

@AllTheUglyTruth

Made the decision that I’m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.

@Storminika

The only reason I watch political speeches is cause I’m hoping there’s gonna be a sniper.

@AndyAsAdjective

Your an idiot.
-You’re.
What?
-You’re not your.
But I said it. I didn’t type it. We’re talking.
-Yeah but I heard the typo.
You’re an idiot.

@goulcher

can’t stop thinking about people that first ate mushrooms they found and just had to go through trial and error of like, this one tastes like beef, this one killed Brian immediately and this one makes you see God for a week