During A$AP Rocky’s hearing today in Sweden he was asked if he goes by any nicknames.
His response: “Yes, Rocky, A$AP Rocky, pretty motherf*cker”
#FreeRocky
You Might Also Like
My teen daughter wants me to “hurry up” getting ready to go somewhere and ain’t this some karma
All spots are cat’s spot. This was clearly established in the Supreme Court case of Fits v. Sits.
[god, creating ducks]
Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don’t know
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just “Morning,” don’t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ “Noon.”
Seriously, what did ya expect?
ME: I’m not the same person I was yesterday. What you’re looking at is a different me.
Passport agent:
People at work: you’re hilarious,man
Family: you’re really funny
Friends: you’re the funniest guy we know
Twitter: you’re occasionally witty, but don’t quit your day job
Wife: you’re an idiot. that’s not funny.
Comedian: My teardrop tattoos are to indicate how many times I’ve killed on stage.
Guy: I don’t see any teardrop tattoos.
Just watched a guy in a shirt that read “Jedi I am” trip on a curb and fall.
Jedi you are not sir
[before animals were invented]
plants: this is nice
Landlord: The lease said no murders! This is the biggest murder I’ve ever seen.
Crow tenant: *wasted* tell the world, you little shit.
The postman told me he’s off to Spain tomorrow so I asked was he going to Parcelona and he ignored what I believe to be my best joke of 2014
dinosaur: [walks out of divorce court to find a parking ticket on his car] ugh this day can’t get any wor
Me: thanks duckter
Goose doctor: [fought years of discrimination to get to his position] how dare you
My neighbor gave me $50 to get my squeaking door fixed because he couldn’t stand it anymore… and so begins my life as a sugar baby
My kids never finish their dinner because they’re saving room for bath water.
BANK: Someone made fraudulent charges with your debit card
ME: Wait… how do you know it wasn’t me
BANK: They entered the PIN correctly on the first try
ME: Dear god
Lady Gaga: rah rah ah ah ah rom mah ro mah mah
Shaggy *wiping tears at Scooby’s funeral* beautiful
I get it, crocs and socks are not sexy at all, but I wasn’t getting laid in tennis shoes either and this is ridiculously comfortable.
‘Your place or mine?’
Is the sexiest response to the question:
‘Where shall we bury the body?’
ME: I’m heading to the shop
ROOMMATE: What are you going to get?
ME: [wearing a wedding dress] Compliments
Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeful for the future of the human race but then I remember there are grown men who like My Little Pony.
I’ve never texted someone to let them know I made it home safe. Shoulda come with me if you wanted details
If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.
JUDGE: the charge is murder, how do you plead
VIDEO: not guilty
FAMILY OF RADIO STAR: this is bullshit
hello i have a very silly piece about hot dogs in the new yorker today!
you can read the whole thing here:
Brain: I see you’re trying to sleep. Let me ruin your night by playing your worst memory from high school.
Damn what did I do next
It’s not a walk of shame if you do the Macarena to your car.
I look at beautiful girls the same way I look at traffic. Meaning that I’m stuck and going nowhere with them
Granny moaning “godfuckingdammit” as she vomits Red Lobster scampi. @RedLobster: What’s your favorite seaside memory with your grandparents?