@KyleMcDowell86 [Little Caesar’s meeting]
“We need a new, clever slogan”
*everyone looks at Jim*
Jim: Um… Pizza…Pizza?
“Jim…U just saved this company”
@velvettusk “Eat your dinner so that lamb didn’t die for nothing” – will ensure you get your daughter’s helping, too.
You Might Also Like
@KyleMcDowell86 
@ShortSleeveSuit Me: [raises hand to hail cab]
*Catches random touchdown pass
@XplodingUnicorn My boss said he wanted the fire drill to be as realistic as possible, but then he yelled at me for looting. Make up your mind, bro.
@ShawnIzadi Why use words you don’t understand in your tweets? It just makes you look photosynthesis.
@poutinesmoothie Challenge accepted.
@Home_Halfway COP: Freeze!!!
EXCEL: LOL no problem
@1followernodad Can’t wait for the google doodle guy to get dumped and make things super personal.
@ojedge [cash4gold]
Man in a coat: [holding gold bar] “How much is this worth?”“It’s 25 carats…”
[8 rabbits rustle excitedly beneath trench-coat]
@bartandsoul Me: I have a Black Belt
Her: Karate?
Me: Faux leather. 40”
@better_off_dad2 I wouldn’t call it ‘passive aggressive’, but I do send the glitter Christmas cards to the people who annoy me.