Endless love does not extend to my root beer float. That second straw is decorative.
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How many raisins do I have to add to this bag of M&Ms before it qualifies as trail mix? One? I say one.
Just as a wedding ring tells others you’re married,
the mysterious brown stain on my shirt and rogue booger in my hair says “I’m a mom”.
crossbreed every type of dog until all you’re left with is an everything beagle
Is the female equivalent of a douchebag a douchebaguette?
The birds that suddenly appear every time I’m near are circling vultures.
Me; Alexa! Start understanding my Indian accent
Alexa: Here’s what I found on Wikipedia about median cement
Alexa is the ouija board I won’t allow in my own house, but will use in yours.
Kind of sad that the most fragile men in the world are required by law to become pro wrestling referees.
Is he dead?
Is he dead?
Is she dead?
Is HE dead?
What about him?
Is SHE dead?
-My kids watching 80s music videos.
Want to talk trash? Recycle.