Enough with the movies already. We get it. You’re an actor.

You Might Also Like


If I had 3 wishes I’d spend them on my daughter.
Happiness, success and her very own little shithead who refuses to replace the TP roll.


Stickiest things in the world:
3) Lollipops
2) Glue
1) Children’s library books


If corporations are people then that’s really gross because we walk inside of them all the time.


For the record, riding my unicycle to the bank robbery was a terrible idea.


Well kids, when a man and woman love each other very much, he erects a monument for her, but in his pants.


I’ll put a comma, after a comma, even if it doesn’t need a comma, to completely, drive you, insane.


Don’t describe two completely different things as “apples and oranges” they’re both fruit

Say something like “elephants and crystal meth”


Dammit, stop summoning me to fight global warming! I’ll believe it when the remaining 3% of scientists believe it! -Republican Capt. Planet


person: can you keep a secret?
me: I’ll never share what you say but it will weigh on me and negatively affect my life
person: oh thank god