Even if you are fully vaccinated, you should not lick the escalator rails…
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In an attempt to build some exercise into my daily routine, I’ve put the biscuits on a higher shelf. Boy, I’m gonna be sore tomorrow.
A man drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how a Mercedes bends
[rubs magic lamp]
GENIE: You get 3 wishes
“Anything?”
GENIE: No wishin for more wishes
“I wish for more genies”
GENIE: I don’t like you
Had sex with a condom tonight.
Maybe next time it will be with a girl.
[Barber gets out a small mirror to show an owl the back of its head]
Owl: No I got it *rotates*
Owl: Wait where’d it- *rotates*
Owl: Ok help
I’m not saying your perfume is too strong. I’m just saying the canary was alive before you got here.
Oh, so breakfast in bed is luxurious, but when I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner in bed, suddenly it’s “depression”
Then darkness fell upon the Earth, and the demons rose to torture and feast on our souls.
CW: Jeeze Ange, it was just a cloud, lighten up.
You could never commit the JFK assassination today. You’d be cancelled
We can put a man on the moon but we can’t reference any other achievements?