@katy_baybay

Every time someone calls me an asshole, I stand up like I’m gonna do something about it. Then I just end up stretching while I wink at them.

You Might Also Like

@FierceMess

Sleep deprivation- because sometimes you cant afford drugs or alcohol but still want to feel delusional and irrational.

@ThisOneSayz

I may be short but I sure as heck can dunk. Donut coffee dunks are my speciality.

@Reverend_Scott

Apparently you can’t make a baby by adding water to baby powder, so don’t waste your time.

@realfunghi

A lot of birthdays in November. It’s as if there’s some kind of romantic peak in or around mid-February.

@ShortSleeveSuit

ME: wow look at all these hotties

FIREFIGHTER: *rescuing a sixth person from a burning building* stop calling them that

@

I get it. True beauty comes from within. But until true beauty can wear lingerie and give a mean lap dance, I may have a few shallow moments

@samalmightysam

If you guys could choose between finding the love of your life and always having free internet access, what porn site would you visit first?