every video on here is a staged fight called something like “Was the Nurse Right to Yell at the Patient🤔” with 1.3M comments that say “imho if I were the nurse i would yell at the patient”
You Might Also Like
I’ll take 2 tacos and one jail marriage…
Er, no; we’re clearly searching for firewood. Anything you wanna talk about, bro?
* Gets fired *
Well….my job is done here.
Sometimes I worry that my son’s childhood is too happy and he won’t be funny when he’s older.
My phone only recognizes my fingerprint if it has cheese on it
i don’t know what just happened, but i was at the animal shelter before work and a toddler walked in and pointed at me and went “i want that one” and his mom just looked at me and said “you can’t have that, that’s a grown man”
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their game in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
I saw a guy at Starbucks today.
No iPhone.
No tablet.
No laptop.
He just sat there.
Drinking coffee.
Like a Psychopath.
My heart says food, food and more food…but my jeans say, for the love of God, eat salad😪
simultaneously my vacuum caught fire and my crush texted me, so the vacuum had to wait
#InternationalWomensDay is just a holiday hallmark made up to sell more women
product manager: what color should we make the bottle
guy who invented hydrogen peroxide: the brownest brown you can imagine
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the new hiding your report card from your parents.
Just a little reminder that the eight spiders you swallowed aren’t thrilled about it either
I’m not to thrilled with our solar system.
I rate it one star..
App: This app would like to use your location.
Me: NOT NOW I’M SITTIN’ ON THE TOILET!!
I was probably the first choice of the person who texted me, “Wanna go to a concert in 40 minutes?!”
BRONTOSAURUS: Why don’t you wear that sweater I bought you?
T. REX: I don’t think I could pull it off
*struts into the new year
~ trips
Friend: “I’m breaking up with my boyfriend. He acts like a savage.”
Me: “Fred or Ben?”
My son is sitting next to me here playing some kinda shooting game and complaining about people using aimbots.
As someone who’s cleaned his bathroom I wish he’d use them too.
After a long day at work I sat on the sofa in front of the TV.
Sensing I was stressed, my 7 year old sat next to me, smiled, and held my hand.
It’s nice and everything but it was my phone-holding hand.
Accidentally put the Ouija board in the monopoly box so now whenever you land on free parking it summons a ninth level demon
Oooh honey, you were amazing last night. Can we do that again tonight?
Him: “… I slept on the couch.”
Mmmm yeahh
me: do you gift wrap
drug dealer: what
*extremely loudly* WELCOME TO MY TED TALK ON USING SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING FOR ADVERTISING.
*whispers* cheerios
Daughter: So the night light will keep the monsters away, right?
Me: haha, no. It’s so they can see where you are. Sweet dreams.
Accidentally said “shh” instead of “slow down” and a kid silently ran into a glass door
Unfortunately a recent breakthrough in therapy means I must say goodbye to my comfort swords, my acceptance machete, and my protection bomb.