Everyone is worried that technology will corrupt our youth, but I had unrestricted access to the internet and cable tv as a kid and I turned out absolutely awful.
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Them: Do any vampires die in this movie?
Me: No it’s pretty low stakes.
Don’t waste time thinking about what’s wrong with you. Instead, focus on what’s wrong with other people.
[wonka factory in 2018]
Charlie: augustus is drowning
Oompa Loompa with a septum piercing: aren’t we all
Someone explain why clothes are so expensive? I should not have to pay this much to not be naked. People should pay ME to not be naked
Does anyone else’s wife quiz them about the movie they’re watching with them as if you wrote and produced it yourself? I don’t know why he didn’t just call a taxi, Linda, I’ve got the same information you have.
teacher: “there are no stupid questions”
me: “ya ok but why isnt the plural of moose, meese”
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
*puts on pickle costume*
*gets stuck in pickle costume*
*calls friend*
Could you please help me?
I’ve gotten my myself into a pickle.
Just bought a universal remote control.
…I really wish, this changes everything..