I wonder about the people who unfollow after one day. What were they expecting, Louis C.K.?
We run in slow motion toward each other across an open field.
Her side is mined.
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Me: Can I take a peak?
Park ranger: You mean “peek,” right?
Me: *steals the top of a mountain*
Girlfriend is on her way over. Aaaaaaannd history deleted.
[God creating pufferfish]
How about a terrifying balloon
Seize the day. Repossess the evening. Impound last week. Forcibly confiscate the entire month of September.
I always assumed the movie “Grease” got its title from how those characters managed to fit into those pants.
COP: do you know why I pulled you over?
ME: *furiously trying to swallow a mouthful of mattress tag stickers* no
Deeply concerning if literal: Last Christmas I gave you my heart.
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And God said, let there be light: and there was light. And God said let there be sunshine and moonlight and good times.
And then God blamed it on the boogie.
Europe. Made in Germany.