losing my mind at my mom’s reply to my insta story
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Instead of the death penalty they should make prisoners nice and comfortable and then tell them that the remote control is across the room.
*logs onto online banking*
Oh good, my emergency dollar is still there
[presenting my dissertation] Tom has been chasing Jerry for years, but all he gets if he catches him is a light snack. The time investment isn’t worth the reward. Tom is therefore a victim of the sunk cost fallacy. Next slide please,
I bet the frankincense guy was all like, “Let’s put the three items in one gift basket and the basket can be from all of us.”
Me: You are not going to believe this…
Priest: Your confessions will always be belived, my child
Me: There is no toilet paper over here.
Hope my marriage can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
Me: I just want to be the center of someone’s universe
Also me: Not like that
I asked my cat if I’m passive aggressive and she ignored me.
I hope I don’t forget to feed her tonight.
Just because I’m Irish doesn’t mean I am always drunk. It means I always want to be.