“felt cute might delete later lolz”

You Might Also Like


Instead of the death penalty they should make prisoners nice and comfortable and then tell them that the remote control is across the room.


*logs onto online banking*
Oh good, my emergency dollar is still there


[presenting my dissertation] Tom has been chasing Jerry for years, but all he gets if he catches him is a light snack. The time investment isn’t worth the reward. Tom is therefore a victim of the sunk cost fallacy. Next slide please,


I bet the frankincense guy was all like, “Let’s put the three items in one gift basket and the basket can be from all of us.”


Me: You are not going to believe this…

Priest: Your confessions will always be belived, my child

Me: There is no toilet paper over here.


Hope my marriage can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.


Me: I just want to be the center of someone’s universe

*has kids*

Also me: Not like that


I asked my cat if I’m passive aggressive and she ignored me.

I hope I don’t forget to feed her tonight.


Just because I’m Irish doesn’t mean I am always drunk. It means I always want to be.