@daemonic3 [at TED talk]
OMG that man is having a heart attack! Anyone here a doctor?
*entire crowd stands*
No a MEDICAL doctor
*entire crowd sits*
@pleatedjeans [filling out birth certificate]
Me: we’re naming him Greg
Doctor who used to be Starbucks barista: [writes “Grork”]
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@daemonic3 
@flashember [Excavation for dino bones]
DIGGER: Sir, we found something BIG!
DOG PALEONTOLOGIST: *tail wags* Ok go for break [salivating] I’ll finish up
@DevilryFun I got a head start on decorating for Halloween by not dusting the last six months.
@BuckyIsotope I’m listening
@sageboggs are those elderberries?
[camera pans over to reveal a bunch of berries struggling to use the internet]
@ObscureGent Me: Hello, can you force an update on my computer that will affect most of my vital programs in a negative way?
Microsoft: Actually, we were just about to push an update to do that.
Me: Can you also offer no help to fix the issues?
Microsoft: Have we ever not let you down?
@CraigChamberlin Good marriage requires communication: My wife tells me I’m wrong, and I tell her she’s right.
@Ygrene Oh man almost forgot the trash
*takes trash out, a nice little sushi place*
This is great
*sees wife there with the recycling*
WHAT THE HELL
@lovemydogduck 24 astronauts were born in Ohio. What is about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?
@batsVsupes 