You Might Also Like

@JaimeSamantha

My Boyfriend: Why are you so dramatic?

Me: (Getting eaten by a lion)

@snmrrw

i’m selfie-employed. yes sir i’ll make a duck-face. right away sir.

@noog

Welcome to Starbucks how may I help you?
“Regular coffee with cream please”
That’s $40, 5ml of unicorn tears, and 10 dragon scales.
“TEN?”

@dril

my favorite part of nascar is when I vomit all over my shirt and car after the race., desecrating the logos of the brands that enslave me

@Dani_Feld

Me: I wish for a lightsaber.

Genie: Be realistic.

Me: Ok, I wish for a boyfriend.

Genie: Would you like your lightsaber in blue or green?

@NourHadidi

Arguing with your parents is like trying to explain how to download music from iTunes to a plant.

@anerdonfire2

Apparently introducing your puppet as your lover to people is frowned upon.

@StarWarsProblms

Kylo Ren: What was Vader like?

Leia: He blew up my planet & killed everyone I loved.

Kylo:

Leia:

Kylo: What was his stance on sideburns?

@GarryShandling

If you’re head of the CIA and can’t hide an extramarital affair it means it can’t
be done. Case closed, fellas.