@JoParkerBear

Finishing a book is like saying goodbye to an old friend. Finishing a show you binge-watched is like staggering out of a motel where you’ve been holed up for 24 hours with someone you met while trying to score crack.

You Might Also Like

@RunOldMan

Doing more laundry today, seems I have more people living here than I can actually see.

@causticbob

Americans: Iran and Iraq are countries, not Apple products, so say their names properly.

@Marlebean

If I was a witch, I’d curse you to have to wear tight jeans to Thanksgiving dinner.

@ginnyhogan_

barista: do you just want the 2 cookies and one brownie

me: thank you for the word ‘just’

@AngryRaccoon2

Bought a “Best Moments of 2021” magazine and the pages were blank

@Jake_Vig

Find yourself someone who looks at you the way I look at the block button.

@Kadayo_Takamini

She told me my analogies didn’t make any sense.

It seriously made me feel like a biscuit in an elevator.

@PaperWash

Karate Kid (1984) A Japanese man teaches a desperate young boy about bullying by forcing him to fix his house.

@UNDEADTRESOR

I wish there was some sort of idiom to describe how easily I just took that lollipop from that infant.