@VampireIguana

*flips table*

YO WHO CALLED THEM EXPIRATION DATES INSTEAD OF SPOILER ALERTS

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@thisislizz

Dear Tech Support,

I twied to puth my tongue in tha USthB port again. Canth you helpf?

@adamgreattweet

My parents kept me humble from a young age by sarcastically asking “How do you think you’re paying for that, with your good looks?”

@protolalia

You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.

@zacharyflynn

You say jump I say how high. You say run I say how fast. You say lets hang out I say no.

@skickwriter

Saying you like a lot of meat in your taco is received differently on Twitter than it is on Facebook.

I know that now.

@brianbowman73

I heard you like bad boys?

*jumps in pool after eating without waiting an hour*

Sup.

@MoistPork

Life can change in an instant. Hug the people you love, and appreciate what you have, before it’s gone.

@Matt_The_1st

Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.