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person walking by my house:
my dog: I’ve killed people for less
Me: Here you go.
Her: WTF?
Me: It’s the genital mold you wanted.
Her: I said gelatin mold!
Me: *waddles away with pants around ankles*
Crayons overthrow royal blue, elect sienna-tors.
If the object of having a few drinks is to ” Take the edge off”, then I’m Spherical
Missing area man described as boringly conventional, was easily found by multiplying height x width.
For Christmas this year, I’m putting a pair of socks and a jar of Vaseline in one of my Amazon Prime labeled boxes.
To watch the confused look on my teenage son will be priceless.
wife: “man, we’re broke.”
me: “that’s all about to change!”
wife: “how?”
me putting on hot dog costume: “second interview.”
When your mom is combing your hair for school picture day and she tells you what a handsome boy you are.
Everyone is complaining about homeschooling their kids.
Don’t stress!
Just teach them what you know.“Ok children, today we’re going to learn nursery rhymes.
Repeat after me:
Beer before liquor, never been sicker; liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.”
I guess I could try to do “No Nut November” but I think it’ll be a REALLY white christmas if I manage it.