“For my next illusion” the magician announces: “Free will!” Everyone starts clapping but they don’t know why
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date: I like to tell dad jokes
me: does he laugh?
date: what
When I was a young man, I dated a very sweet girl for several months. My parents treated this girl like she was their own daughter.
My mother even tried to find her a proper boyfriend
My friend uses ‘supossebly’ and I never correct her. I like her irregardless.
i wanted som fried chicken but i didnt hav any chicken so i fried a egg and now im waitig for it to hatch
When we were kids our “get home” text was a streetlight.
Date: *reading menu* anything pop out at you?
Me: I don’t think it’s that kind of book
“Lethal Weapon” is my favorite movie about how to fix a dislocated shoulder.
I know it’s so bad but all the other restaurant names were taken. Anyways welcome to Feastiality can I get you guys started on some drinks
I write vampire jokes but they never see the light of day.
Her: We can’t drive the car, it’s stuck in the mud… Doesn’t it help if you put something under the back tires?
Me: Are you volunteering?