@eleniZarro

For the record when you are “freezing” I never need to feel your ice cold hands, I believe you

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@DaddyJew

Back in my day we had another word for selfie sticks, we called them friends.

@Shade510

Since when is a sweater vest not business casual?

Work is telling me I can’t wear them anymore unless I have a shirt underneath.

@girl_a_whirl

You know you’re a mover & a shaker when HR rewrites the dress code for you.

Whatever Anita, those tear-away pants looked fabulous on me.

@Molly_Kats

Hey, people “liking” Walmart on Facebook – you OK?

@TheToddWilliams

Cop: First name please…
“Frida”
Cop: Last name…
“Gomam”
Cop: You’re Frida Gomam?
*peels out*
Cop: Nice, nice

@MaraWilson

Push me aside, but I will come back. Hide me, but I will always emerge.
I AM POWER.
I AM RESILIENCE.
I AM A BRA STRAP.

@Jackson5toLife

I hope you never have to experience the loss of a child. Lotta paperwork.

@small_blunder

Me: How was school?

Toddler: Candice has a different mom.

Me [pours two glasses of wine]: Go on.

@Tw1tter_K1tten

One day the mailman is going to murder my whole family and my dog will be like “Ha. Who needs to quit yapping and go lay down now?”

@jwoodham

FINALS TIP: Create a reward system to help you study. For example, if you spend 1 hour studying, reward yourself with 72 hours of Netflix.