I just watched the girl next to me google “lack toast and tolerant symptoms”
Symptoms: you have no toast but it’s totally tolerable.
Forgive me, for I have sinned.
Same time tomorrow?
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Saturday night is for moaning My name. Sunday morning is for chanting it.
30% of the world’s coal production is used by Santa to insult our shittiest children
Reading a magazine waiting at the checkout and was told, “this is not a library”, so I read it out loud.
Just saw someone holding a sign that said “Honk 2 impeach Obama”
You’d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
Does anyone know any herbal remedies for worthlessness?
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they’re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
“OH MY GOD YOU’RE A DOG HEY SMELL ME I’M A DOG TOO” – dogs
Some bloke on FB called me a clown. Now I’ve got to go hide under his bed with a knife cause that’s what clowns do.
I always thought that “same sex” marriage was what straight couples suffered from.