She blinded me with science. Fine, it was mace, but she sprayed it very scientifically.
Found my cat reading To Kill A Mockingbird. I told him that it didn’t actually involve killing birds, but he said he liked courtroom dramas.
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If only Lord Ram used Apple maps to reach Ayodhya, Beijing would have been celebrating Diwali today.
hey boy 😉 is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see m- oh, it is a gu- yes i will open the cash register
“Your honor, my client is absolutely not a flight risk.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“He is a penguin.”
“Operator, run this licence plate please
Echo Alpha Tango
Delta India Charlie Kilo”
– Me, if I was a cop on the day I got fired.
Tip for drowning your enemies:
Paint pictures of people yawning on the bottom of their swimming pool.
Gecko at McDonald’s crawl through:
I’ll have A Bug Mac, flies & a small snake.
My sleeping pills say don’t mix with alcohol, but drop it in the glass and it dissolves just fine. Doctors think they know everything.
The library is always busy; it’s fully booked.
This Teenage girl gave me attitude today so I called her the “Fattest Skinny person I have ever seen” that should confuse her for a while.