Found my missing cardigan when my sister posted a FB pic of her wearing it.

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*grabs your ankle from a storm sewer* if your barbie doll needs a hula hoop use an onion ring


Let’s do something we both know we’ll regret in the morning. Let’s order KFC for dinner.


[gets found guilty of murder]
[sentenced to 3 years of listening to Pitbull on repeat]
[gets sentence reduced to lethal injection]


*Hamburglar returns home with bag of hamburgers*
*his wife, holding a crying baby, slaps the bag out of his hands*


*hears Siren’s song*
*eyes glaze*
*walks in a trance ten miles*
*breaks window to donut shop*

I’m here, Mistress.

*eats everything*


Black rotten roses & run over kittens
Teeth falling out & a test is unwritten
Naked in public becoming a meme


The only entities which will survive a nuclear holocaust will be the cockroaches and a book packed by Flipkart.


If you try to teach me a lesson I will flunk on purpose, how dare you


When one door closes another one opens. I should really get this cabinet fixed.