@david8hughes
@GreenishDuck My sisters made me watch their kids last night. At one point all six of them were crying, but I just kept rap battling them one by one.
You Might Also Like
@GreenishDuck 
@ThatRascalPuff No need to write it down, I’ve a photographic memory
*looks hard af*
*pukes polaroid*
@zebrasyndicate Wife: I swear, I’m gonna kill my boss
Me: please don’t; it’ll get better
Wife: aww, thanks for the suppo-
Me: *interupting* no way you’re making me a single dad of 2 while you just chill in prison
@drebastion Eating frosting with my hand. Just kidding I don’t know whose hand this is
@YuckyTom then why did i get this email
@DBMaxP Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
@SlappNuttz My children have acquired a keen sense for knowing exactly when I’m about to forget them at a store.
@TEXASVETERAN A hooker once showed me her dollar menu. Her meat actually did resemble McDonald’s.
@Reverend_Scott RANGER: watch out for wolves
ME: oh ya?
RANGER: so relentless-
[wolf runs up w/ bible] HAVE U HEARD ABOUT OUR LORD & SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST
@bransonreese Hate it when I’m fighting a guy and we create a cloud of dust and then he casually steps out and it’s just me in there.