@ilovepie84 History may repeat itself but a toddler does it better.
@SharkJelly Friend: Will we be hearing the patter of tiny feet soon?
Me: *grabbing her arm too hard* You know about my squirell army
You Might Also Like
@ilovepie84 
@dave_cactus DAD: Hugh, please. It’s a perfectly fine name. Stop complaining.
HUGH J’DISAPPOINTMENT: It’s not my first name I’m upset about.
@sarcasticmommy4 M: I’m so glad school started!
12: Can you help me with my math?
M: OMG WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!
@theregoesrichie Looking to join a group where every once in awhile somebody screams “fan out!” and we all do.
@david8hughes [in the ambulance]
Paramedic: what’s your blood type?
Me: whatever. I’m not fussy
@JustBeingEmma Sorry about the mess, but cleaning really chips my nail polish.
@adrienneMTK “Oh, look! She’s drinking vodka, let’s kill her!” – Spiral staircases
@AllanForsyth I put my laptop in incognito mode but it still has “DELL” written on its lid in big letters, so it obviously hasn’t worked.
@bdjansenphd oh you like bad boys? well sometimes i cite articles i’ve only skimmed
@SomthinBoutSara My exes dying words were, “you’re obviously in one of your moods”