@Thuggedraccoon
@DurtMcHurtt Ref: Call it in the air..
*flips coin*
Me: A QUARTER.
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@DurtMcHurtt 
@jwoodham Dear Diary: Day 1 of being a gang member. Wore a bandana today, but took it off after a woman shouted “you go girl!” from across the street.
@AudreyPorne an attractive man on the internet called me pretty, so I sent him my finger nails in the mail. i’m so nervous lol what if he doesn’t reply??
@EricaWhoToYou As a young girl she played the game Operation and dreamed about the day she could illegally harvest vital organs in real life.
@XplodingUnicorn 4-year-old: Why does the dog pee on stuff?
Me: It’s like writing his name on it.
4: So I-
Me: YOU HAVE TO USE PENCILS.
@Dawn_M_ It’s rude when people ask me what I did all day like growing my hair isn’t enough.
@desiswaaag HOW I DRESS FOR UNIVERSITY
First day of the week: brad pitt
Last day of the week: homeless druggie
@SoulYodeler Sorry I yelled “GET A ROOM!” at your grandson’s wrestling tournament.
@TheWillOShow I think one of the most amazing displays of democracy in history is that one thousand islands managed to come together and agree on a single dressing.
@dvoted_hubsand I cant use facebook cuz everyone making popular comment I wish I thought of first, like “thank God it Friday!” or “Im pregnant of baby”