@GreenishDuck

Fun Fact: 100% of people don’t know what to do with a dirty dish at someone else’s house.

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@MKupperman

I’m taking part in a scavenger hunt. I have already killed twelve scavengers

@Beerbastard69

Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.

@jonnysun

hmmm public speakimg clases..? well do u hav private speakimg clases? bc i hav a secret *leans in close to u* I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO WHISPER

@Reverend_Scott

“The 1st Amendment is a magical shield that protects you from any consequences after publically posting your opinions online.”

– idiots

@EZ_G

Don’t worry, my tweet. Not all tweets can be winners… Daddy loves you just as much.

@iAmDelFreaky

Hey everybody, I just finished the 30 day yoga challenge and it was easier than I expected. In fact, I bet I could go another 30 days without doing yoga.

@Alex_N_Chains

If you don’t think monkeys are adorable, then you can suck macaque.

@daemonic3

Mermaids: Can’t live with them, can’t beat them in a potato sack race.