My wife caught me looking at a seagull at the beach so now we’re in this big fight.
Fun Fact: the average group of 4 yr olds can take up to 7 years to break open a piñata.
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I got hooked on Italian food in high school after my dealer sold me a bag of oregano.
[drunk w/ 2 kittens at a bar]
give me another
“haven’t u had enough?”
i’ll tell u when i’ve had enough!
*bartender hands me another kitten*
My boss just set a meeting for July 2024 and a little piece of me died.
I’m not saying I want a divorce, it’s just that sometimes 50% custody sounds pretty appealing.
Jesus:”We need 13 chairs please”
Judas:”But chairs don’t fall into common usage until the 16th century AD”
Batman: so I’ve been tracking the Joker’s movements all night and we need to-
Robin: you LIKE him!
Batman: omg shut up lol I do not
6: I’m done.
Me: you didn’t even touch your food!
6 pokes food w/finger *without breaking eye contact*
The Sass is strong with this one
All of my best ideas involve jail time.
Overall, the kids and parents took Wonka’s maniacal screaming, small orange mutated workers, and horrific accidental deaths in stride, maintaining remarkable composure. This tells us they were no strangers to candy factory tours.