Fun prank:
Tell an English major how “impactful” something is.

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My car broke down today. It confessed to a series of hit-and-run murders back in 2006.


ME: I’m gonna punch my boss right on the nose

PRIEST: you can’t tell me about sins in advance


I’m thinking about getting a mirror over my bed so I can watch myself while I’m eating cereal.


mom always warned us not to sit too close to the TV, but we turned out pergectly fime.


Geologists are important for our understanding of rocks on Earth and on other planets. So never take them for granite.


Apparently, when you have an open relationship you’re supposed to inform your partner. But this is new for both of us, especially her.


That moment 4yo becomes a better negotiator than you.

4: “Can I have one?”


4: “Okay just 2.”


4: “Alright. 3 and I won’t ask again.”


This is probably going to sound really gay, but the sunset is GORGEOUS right now and I love making out with dudes.